I think my vagina is haunted
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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