man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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