I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
