I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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