Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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