my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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