So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He passed out mid-signature
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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