When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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