Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
