you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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