Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
