So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
