I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize