Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
