no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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