I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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