I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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