This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
