Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
