Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
