Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
