You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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