Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
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Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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