i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize