i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
