Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
