Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
