My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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