the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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