I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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