You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
