Betty ford says i'm here all night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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