I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
