i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
