census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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