too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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