It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
