Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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