I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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