It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
