he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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