I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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