So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
birth control should be required to get into college
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
