he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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