You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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