and you said cock pushups were impossible
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
