I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
