i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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