the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
where are my eyebrows?
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