id be glad to
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
