It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
