Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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