Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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