She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
