After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's always time for handjobs
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
