did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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