Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
