Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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