You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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