I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bring me that man meat
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
