It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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