Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
