You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
