Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
