I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?