Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.