You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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