I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
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I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf