If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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