She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
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He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.