The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
