haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
