we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
