i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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