and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
