Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
