Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
