I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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