Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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