I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize