the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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