I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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