No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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