return my video game
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
