There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
