I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
