i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
