I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
