Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
